Woody's Mid-Year Awards

12-18-89

Perspective: Woody's Mid-Year Awards

It was a pretty good week for Cobber sports. The Lady Cobber basketball team continued on their road to improvement. The Wrestling team won twice. The students buckled down for test week as dreams of sugar plums danced in their heads. And Woody came by.

Woody used to write for this office before heading out on the road to find his fame, if not fortune, as a writer. He's still looking. He came home for Christmas but it seems his folks moved and forgot to tell him where.

"Their letter probably got lost in the mail."

I agreed that was certainly one possibility.

"No big deal though. I can stay with you while we work on this new awards program."

Woody, I'm sure we can track your parents down.

"Don't worry about it. You'll love this awards idea.

Listen, I've been keeping up on the stuff you've been putting out. It's OK. But not snappy enough. I used to have the same problem. It comes from writing teachers who are too hung up on sentence structure. You know, verbs, nouns, subjects, all that technical stuff."

Don't you have some aunts or uncles who might know where your folks moved to? Use my phone.

"What you need is lists. Like Letterman does. And awards. Papers always feel obligated to put in announcements of award winners."

We already have a lot of awards, Woody. What we don't have is a place for you to stay.

"Relax, I'll use the couch in your basement. No problem. Don't make a fuss over me. Listen, I roughed out some stuff you could use right away, kind of like mid-year awards. Here goes.

The Best Cobber Teams for the Fall Season:

Number 5: Volleyball, 26-19, 4th in the MIAC,

Number 4: Men's Golf, 3rd in the MIAC, solid

Number 3: Women's Golf, won 5-team MIAC Meet

Number 2: Football team, 7-2, 2nd in MIAC

Number 1: Women's Cross Country, ranked 5th in the nation and took second in the MIAC Meet"

I don't think we should be saying that stuff, Woody. I spent all fall talking about how the scoreboard is not the best measure of success.

"Get real, Jer. Records matter. When people ask you how your Lady Cobbers did last year do you tell them you were 24-3 or that you really got along well as a team?"

We should be looking for your folks. What about neighbors who might know a forwarding address.

"I got more on this awards business. Listen. You'll like this. You're always saying stuff that stirs up trouble. Try a couple of these.

The Worst Whiner Among Cobber Coaches Award: Duane ("we'll never win another game") Siverson, Lady Cobber basketball. Edged out football's Jim ("we're really banged up") Christopherson for first time in a decade.

Worst Football Analysis by Local Media Figure:

Ed Schultz, WDAY-TV, Fargo, for second-guessing going for the tie against St. John's.

Most Predictable Football Analysis by an SID: Jerry Pyle, SID, Concordia, for defending going for the tie against St. John's.

Hottest Cobber Athlete: Hockey's Mike Hassman, 25 pts in 1st 10 games

Worst Cheap Shot by a Cobber: Hockey's Mike Hassman scoring a clinching goal and then decking a St. Mary's player. (You could have won this last year, Jer, with your comments about the refs at St. Ben's when you got beat. And your comments on Musselman last week put you a close 2nd behind Hassman.)"

This is great, Woody. So far you've got Siverson, Christopherson, the football team, Hassman and, worst of all, Ed Schultz upset. Your awards suck. Let's find your folks.

"Wait, Jer. You don't get it. Getting people upset gets them talking and interested and, after all, isn't that your job."

This isn't professional wrestling, Woody.

"OK, OK. Geez, you sure can get self-righteous, Jer.

Lighten up. I got some stuff here that's more sentimental if that's what you like.

Most Poignant Moment in Cobber Sports: Sharon Espeland collapsing 200 yards from the finish in the Cross Country Regionals and crawling across the line too late for the team to qualify for Nationals.

The Most Costly Injury Award:

Tie: Defensive back Paul Lundstrom's Week 6 appendicitis made him unavailable to help stop Hamline's two late TD's which cost the Cobbers a tie for the MIAC lead in football. All-MIAC guard Bryan Flam's broken foot which may cost the basketball team about 12 wins.

The Most Gracious Host Award: The award this year goes to Cobber quarterback Chad Walthall who threw four interceptions and had a fumble when Gustavus came to town on November 4th. Gustavus was treated to a 44-17 victory. (Walthall was recently in St. Peter to pick up his trophy as the '89 Gustie MVP.)"

Walthall might not call that award sentimental.

"Ok, humorous. I try to give you good stuff and you act like you're doing ME a favor."

Look, Woody, I appreciate your work. And I'll consider the awards idea. But my wife already thinks my career as a writer is pretty dim. If I bring home a homeless writer it will just confirm her worst fears about my future.

"I understand. My folks said the same dumb stuff when I told them I wanted to be a writer. I'll work something out. Remember, keep it snappy. That's how I got where I am today."

Thanks, Woody.

"No problem. Glad I could help."

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