Whitney Myhra, '11

Chapel Talk, Whitney Myhra '11
October 14, 2010

          Is there something in your life that will always be in the back of your mind? Something you will always worry about? Something you will always be afraid of? Have you ever woken up one day and realized that your life is everything you thought it wasn't? Have you ever been afraid of change? Or afraid of the unknown? 

          I'd like to share today a story about your average, hard working family. For a minute, I would like you to picture them.  There is a mom, a dad, a son, and a daughter. Outwardly normal in appearance, they go about their day to day life without much fanfare.  What you can't see, is that there is a secret, and their lives will be changed forever.  

This story that I'll be telling focuses on the daughter of the family, and the change she went through with her family.  When she was young, she took her dad's long naps, angry outbursts, and non-participation in her activities to be something that was normal.  She also thought it was normal that her dad and brother didn't get along very well.  That perception changed when she was 10. Her mother told her, "Your dad's an alcoholic".  This is a lot to process for a girl of that age, not to mention hard to believe.  

She pushed her dad further and further away. As the alcohol abuse became worse, the feelings of embarrassment, shame, guilt, hate, anger, and sadness within her began to grow. This also opened the little girl's eyes to the destruction and negative change this disease was bringing to her family. It affected them all in different ways, and each handled it differently. For the little girl, she constantly wondered if her mom was going to leave her dad, and prayed that she would. That day never came. As she grew older and understood more, she tried to reach out to her dad and communicate her feelings with him.  All she got in return were empty, broken promises to try to get better. 

 One day, her dad had just left to run to the grocery store. The second she saw his truck drive away, she went outside to check and see if he was hiding any alcohol anywhere. Sadly, she found a bottle of vodka and was furious. She went inside, grabbed a pen and a piece of paper, and left a note on the bottle saying "This is sick. You need help." Those are six words the girl would never forget. Her relationship with her dad was at its wits end and she was struggling to make sense of it all. 

Throughout this time, the little girl attended church and went through confirmation.  She began to understand God's presence in her life, and enjoyed the time she spent with her friends and with God at church.  She was determined to maintain that presence with Him after confirmation ended, and not become one of those kids that stopped going to church after they were confirmed.  Her dad's disease affected that too, however.  She was embarrassed to be at church; she recognized that people saw his disease, and that people treated him differently.  No one reached out to them, no one offered to help. She constantly asked herself, "Isn't church about community and helping people?  Why are these people so distant?  What is wrong with me?" Since that happened, as soon as she was confirmed, she left the church.  

          Then, one day, a giant storm of change was about to enter her life.  It was a cold October day her junior year of high school, she was 16 years old.  She was home sick, and at that age, that was a big deal. Her Mom had been making a lot of phone calls, and her dad was home from work. She knew something was going on. Her Mom and Dad came into the living room and sat down. Her mom started talking and told her that her dad was going into rehab, that he was finally getting help. What was her initial reaction? She simply said "Good, it's about time." She was full of emotion; furious, sad, spiteful and she didn't know how to respond. Her dad sat there looking at his little girl with tears in his eyes telling her how sorry he was and that he was ready to get help. She didn't believe him. Her father looked at her and said "Do you hate me?" She wanted more than anything to say yes, but by some act of God her mom chimed in and said "I don't think she hates you, she just hates what the alcohol does to you." Those words her mother said were a blessing in disguise. She was right. The little girl didn't hate her dad. She hated what he did, and what the alcohol did to him.          

That day changed her life. It was one of the most terrifying changes she had ever been through. She was going to have the father figure she had always longed for, and she felt God with her. Although this change was good, it brought a lot of uncertainty. Would she like her dad? Would he like her? Would her parents divorce or would they stay together? How long would his sobriety last? She had to do what it said in the reading from Proverbs 3, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart 
and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." She had to trust God, and trust that the path He was taking her on was the path that was best for her in the end. That trust ended up going a long way.

This story is one that is very near and dear to my heart.  The reason? The little girl in this story is me. My dad has been sober for five years. He is the best dad any girl could ask for. He loves me unconditionally, he gives me some of the best advice, and he's there when all I need is a quick hug or someone to say "I love you." It is unbelievable to me how much we are alike. We have a very similar sense of humor, and are both very indecisive. You can ask my mom! To me, his story is inspiring. He battled with alcoholism his whole life, and now that he is sober he is healthier and stronger than ever. He's taught me so much more than he realizes. It took me a long time to realize the tears he shed that day weren't necessarily because he was sorry, but because he was afraid. He was about to make one of the biggest changes he could ever make. He was changing his entire life, and was getting rid of the one thing he seemed to know best.  If you think about it, that is a very scary thing. He had to trust God, and trust that he was going to be ok. He had no idea if he would still have a family when he got out of treatment. He took a huge risk, but I think he would agree with me when I say that it was a risk that was worth taking.

Change can be good, and change can be bad. I have learned to no longer fear change, but to embrace it. Even though it may not be easy, there is always a reason for it. Through our weaknesses, we are strong. My dad is the perfect example of that. I am going to leave you with the Serenity Prayer one more time because I think it is a prayer that all of us can use. Please pray with me.

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

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