Not My Type?
The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, or MBTI, is a psychologically based test that classifies individuals into 16 different personality types based on eight different preferences:
• Extroversion (E) or Introversion (I)
• Intuition (N) or Sensing (S)
• Feeling (F) or Thinking (T)
• Judging (J) or Perceiving (P)
Conflicts in relationships often stem from a lack of understanding of the other, not from differences in preferences, says Mikal Kenfield '03, associate director of residence life.
Kenfield uses the MBTI with her residence life staff and also in her marriage.
"The more you understand how someone else sees the world, you will stop making assumptions," she says. " Usually conflict comes from making false assumptions about the other person."
Kenfield says there is no golden rule to whether opposites attract or similarities unite. She has seen happy couples who had opposite personalities and other couples with the same MBTI who couldn't seem to get along.
"Just because people have the same personality type doesn't make them the same person," Kenfield says.
She suggests that each partner take the MBTI (free and full versions can be found online) and talk about each section together. Here are some sample questions:
• You're an E, and I'm an I. Does that surprise you?
• What would you like others to know about thinkers (T)?
• Give me an example of a time you made a decision based on your intuition (N).
Above all, an open mind is important when approaching differences between you and your significant other.
"It's not a matter of them being right or wrong," Kenfield says. "They are just different."
More Resources:
Psychological Type and Relationships
Full MBTI Test (for a fee)
Free Test Based Off of the MBTI